I want to share some of my thoughts and experience struggling with painful beliefs as I move forward in creating a thriving business with my art and music.
Most women, and people in general, want to be supported in a way that gives them peace of mind and freedom.
They desire a feeling of not being alone while traversing the path of their career, love, and life.
I struggled for years, wafting between feeling alone, feeling sorry for myself, then off down the road of feeling anger and frustration at the thought that no one cared enough to help me. The thoughts were like carrying a hundred pound sack up a rocky road on the side of a cliff.
I believed that if no one was going to help, then I would have to pay for the support I was seeking, and I wasn’t in a position to afford what I thought I might need. See the self perpetuating prophecy there? Lots to be said about reconciling with what I was perceiving in the moment and how much gas is actually in the car.
At the time my beliefs were:
- I have no team, no support, no help in my “lone wolf” world and “I can do it myself” attitude.
- I am the one who will get it done, I can’t depend on others.
- I have to pay huge amounts of money to hire someone, I have to pay for anyone to care.
- Don’t ask for help, no one wants to or can help me.
- If you ask for help you are less than, and you will feel like a failure.
- I should do it myself, they won’t understand and it will take too long to show them.
- They won’t do a good job and they will rip me off, and I’ll loose money I don’t have.
I believed that the beliefs and stories I held in my mind were true and so there were no options or other ways of approaching an issue or problem.
First of all, these are stories of deception. They usually originate from a place of unaddressed fear, and are often augmented by scenarios that seem to be real. They become feelings that turn from lies into truths. What I came to realize was that I need to examine what I was telling myself as if it were hearsay. That got me to asking questions like: “It this true? What are the facts… are people saying no? Did people say they don’t care or won’t help? Does it really cost me money to get it done?”
With these questions I started to unravel the shaded areas of my beliefs and they were now on notice. I really listened to what my fear was telling me, without becoming controlled by it. That was a power moment and a path into freedom and creativity. More importantly, as I started thinking this way, I was suddenly no longer alone!
As I questioned things, I heard real answers about possibilities I could step forward into, so I did. I tested out my newfound awareness and hypotheses. People did care, they did want to help! I just needed to ask and let go of trying to control every aspect of a particular situation. It was really about allowing others to contribute and giving them space to do so.
I also found that in a direct conversation with a potential support person that things were negotiable with respect to payment. Barter and trade were two of the many possibilities that came to light. That had never entered my mind. Trading my skills, talents, and time, became real currency for change in both my life and the lives of those I interacted with.
Once I shifted my thinking into What I Want, instead of I Can’t, things immediately started to shift. I started resonating a Yes, and embracing a How Can I/We reality. I soon found myself inspiring other people as I shared what I was up to with a clear intention and an eye to serving an overall greater good. These desires had always been there but were mired in fears I wasn’t listening to and in isolating beliefs and behaviors. I had been judging people and myself in these situations before they even happened. I had believed it as if it was real and therefore it was.
Now I focus on only what I am aligned with and what I want. When thoughts and doubts creep in I stop and ask the question, “Is this real?” and “What is this really trying to tell me?” The breaking apart of the lies we tell ourselves and learning from our fear is a powerful tool. Taking advantage of breaking apart tool leaves more room to grow, more joy, more freedom, and having more of what you truly want in business, love, and life.